Self Awareness 101

“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” 
-George R. R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

Self esteem is great, but self awareness is real power.

I am good at a lot of things, that is a true statement.  But I musn’t forget the categories of self improvement that I could work on. If you can admit your flaws out loud to yourself, then you can work on them! It’s how you find happiness. Well, that’s what I believe.So here are some of my flaws. Beautifully human flaws. I have even more, but for the sake of time, let’s just hit some of the big ones.

I shake my leg.

If you are my friend. You know this.We could be having a casual lunch date and you may have to remind me to stop vibrating the lunch table. It’s not all the time. Who knows what kind of restless leg syndrome conjuring demon lives in my brain. Doesn’t matter, my body likes to move. 
Through out my entire life, you can look at pictures of me and tell if I’m happy or sad at that point in my life by seeing if I am fat or skinny.
I stress eat.

Oh ice cream, how I love you. 

I am an over thinker.
Hypothetical situations for days son.

I have time paranoia.
I never feel like we have enough time. I leave very earlier for things. I think about murdering my husband when he packs for our vacation the morning we leave. 

I procrastinate.
I always get it done. But I don’t make it easier on myself.

I’m impulsive.
Won’t spend the money to buy myself a new fall jacket. But I definitely needed those two beach balls, a water bottle, some fake tattoos, three bottles of hairspray and that notebook from CVS.  

Don’t talk to me until I have been awake for 1 hour.
I set alarms. I get up. I adhere to my responsibilities. But I am not that nice in the morning. It takes me a little while to get going. 

I make a mess while I get dressed for the day. ‘
Try it on. UGH. NOPE. WRONG. Toss. Toss. Toss. Clothes all over the floor. AHH.. I’m going to be late for work. Abandon the scene of the crime. 

My moods tend to be extreme. I’m either the president of fun or I’m barely hanging on.
Like many Irish Catholic families, we were expected to push that shit down. Show up wearing saddle shoes and a dress that makes you look like a pilgrim, talk about how good you are doing in school or basketball, that’s it. No one wants to hear about anything real. I mean you’d be blamed for ruining Easter for every one because you can’t keep your mouth shut. That lifestyle isn’t for me. Pretending you are okay all the time is nonsense. Nobody is okay all the time. I hope for your sake, you are okay the majority of the time. I feel as though I am. I’m just talking about being a human being means some days will suck.

Now, I am not a crazy person. At least I don’t think? Jury’s still out. Ha ha. Not all these personality traits are things I am doing every day. They are just a small element of who I am. Of course, they caused endless struggles through out my adolescence. My poor Father. Every morning I would be yelling about where my keys were. I wouldn’t ever remember where I put them. But I’d be so worried about being late for school that I would get angry. So much teenage girl yelling.

I like being an adult much better. In the story of my life, I feel the general consensus would be that my 20s was a time of self awareness. Mostly my late 20s. Finally being able to look at myself and be like, “Okay these are things about myself I need to work on.” The beauty of admitting out loud to yourself what your faults may be is that you can then combat them. You can set yourself up for success.

This is why I go to yoga. This is why I write. This is why I surround myself with fun people. This is why I give others the benefit of the doubt. This is why I read excessively. This is why I dance in my kitchen. This is why I help others.

I read so that I’m not just thinking. I’m stimulating my ever running brain in a productive way. Yet I am getting out of my own head at the same time.

I dance in my kitchen because life is just not that serious.

I write so I can let go.

I make changes to improve my life….

I have been wheat free for almost 3 months now and I have done the beach body 21 day fix. Yes, I’ve lost 15 lbs. Yes, my skin has cleared up. BUT the most noticeable thing is my mood stability and my higher energy level. Which could not be more necessary at this point in my life.

The other day the baby woke up 3:30 AM. I got him back down at around 4:45 AM. Then my toddler woke up at 5:15 AM. Fed them both breakfast. Changed two poopie diapers. Took a shower while holding a baby. Then I packed them up brought them to day care. Strapped them both in their car seats. Took one out to change more poop. Got an oil change. Went to the post office. Vacuumed the downstairs. Did the dishes. Cleaned out the fridge. Took out all the clothes from the boys room that was too small for them. Put new Fall/Winter clothes in. Did a 25 minute exercise video. Headed to work from 2 PM- 10 PM. Got home at 10:30 PM starting filling the dishwasher again. Finally identifying that I am only awake because I am so severely overtired.  Face dive into bed.

19 year old Brittany wouldn’t even know what to think of that day. She would be like, “Oh ya. I had a really productive day. I got a coffee. Went to class. Went for a run. Went tanning. AND did some homework.”

Times they are a changin’….

The point is, I can only survive my adult responsibilities if I take care of myself. I can’t take care of every one else if I just run myself ragged. Life is all about choices. I may not be naturally the best decision maker in the world. But you can teach yourself to do anything. You can practice small habits every day. Small little choices that add up to who you are.  I am not perfect. Nobody is. But I take the time to work on myself. To take care of myself. So I can be the best me that I can be.

Are you the best you that you can be?

Britt is a Beach bum, Mom, Wife, Sister, Friend, Wanna be Photographer, Special needs advocate, Library enthusiast, Yogi, Mom blogger.

Britt lives in a barn on Cape Cod with her husband, two toddlers, and stinky black lab. You can read more of her adventures at You’re Somebody’s MOTHER.

Or if you have a short attention span, follow her on Instagram @somebodys_mother


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